Conservative in My Old Age

#155, November 24, 2004

 

My father use to irritate me no end back in my teenage days when he’d smugly tell me, “just wait, when you’re my age, you’ll be conservative, too.”

 

Like so many, I’ve been soul searching since the election -- in my own soul, for the soul of our nation. And I was a little surprised to find some threads of what my dad might now call conservatism, like the strands of gray showing up in my hair.

 

By the way, this conservatism theme is not a just a device to introduce an argument against those who are *liberally* plundering Mother Earth… but hey, while I’m on the topic, when *are* the conservatives going to start conserving? When are they going to stop referring to pumping and sawing as “increasing oil and timber *production*”? Timber is produced by sun and soil over decades if not centuries, and oil was produced by sun and earth tens if not hundreds of millions of years ago. The oil and timber industries no more “produce” oil and timber than obstetricians produce babies!

 

Back to the gray hair: even though I stopped saying the “under God” part of the Pledge of Allegiance a few years ago, to protest the creeping growth of GWB’sholigarchy”, I found myself aligned with Newt Gingrich in the Sonoma High School flag controversy. The school administrators wouldn’t allow some students to display the American flag for a class portrait, as they had problems in past years with Hispanic students and the Mexican flag. This year’s flag flyers, backed by the visiting former House Speaker, argued: this is America; displaying an American flag in a class portrait can’t be considered controversial.

 

I was sympathetic. This *is* America, not Mexico, and the flag no more represents Gingrich or DeLay than it does Kennedy or Boxer. By banning the display of the American flag by these students, the school administration somehow seemed to be acceding to the conservatives’ exclusive claim on American patriotism.

 

Another case that stirred conservative feelings involves the man whose complaints to the State have prompted gender-discrimination lawsuits against two local women’s gyms. My reaction was, “why can’t this loser allow women some privacy?!” Does he think the gals are in there conspiring, in a Bohemian Club manner, to take over the country? (If they did, wouldn’t that be a good thing?)

 

So my column here was pretty far along when I read it over the phone to my daughter Laurel. She’s back in Moab, defending wild Utah from them “oil producers.” As a student of constitutional law, she jumped all over my nascent conservatism. The first and fourteenth amendments to the US Constitution, she told me, do not make exceptions for behavior that might be unpopular with the majority of Americans at any given time. Free speech protection is “content neutral”; if an American flag is allowed, then any flag must be allowed. A swastika could be banned because it was displayed on a live skunk, but a Star of David similarly displayed would also have to be banned. Too bad if some clunk wants to join a fitness club and ogle the sweaty women. The Constitution protects that right, says my daughter. Of course, the female clientele have the right to evil-eye him right out the door, too.

 

Laurel said if we don’t fight to preserve the rights of free expression and equal protection under the law, *especially* when we don’t agree with the content, then we shouldn’t expect “the other side” to be so principled, either. If the “ayatollah wing of the Republican party” (as columnist Ellen Goodman calls the Bushie evangelicals) grows in power, what, if not the US Constitution, will keep them from imposing their moral standards on the unbelievers? (That’s why we must protect the Senate’s right to filibuster those theocratic Supreme Court nominees!)

 

There’s nothing I can do to stop my head from producing more gray hair. But I can exercise critical thinking to keep the gray matter inside from going soft. I won’t set my judgment adrift in a current of moral conservatism.  I’ll save *my* conservatism for our planet.